*Deep breath in, deep breath out* OK, so I'm going to get personal on some things I've been feeling lately. I must start off by saying that I love my family with my entire heart. They are the reason I wake up every morning. So, the latest news a flutter in the Goetz household recently has been about a job that Tim is interviewing for. The position known as Director of Community College Relations presents enormous opportunity and networking possibilities for him plus a nice pay increase. He has the most amazing potential and this job would help him realize that. What could possibly be the downside of such an amazing opportunity? Well, travelling for 4 out of 7 days of the week could be it. Yes, Tim would have to travel out of state for several days each week, overnight. While I am so excited for him and this opportunity, I am scared of our family being apart so much. So, as we'll look forward to hearing about the position, we are making new plans. Plan 1: Quit fulltime emplyment and begin part time employment because I can't continue to work crazy 3-11 and 10-6 daily rotating shifts and be the single parent at home. Plan 2: Purchase some new latest model webcams for being there when you can't be there. Plan 3: Move into new townhome. So, one of the best parts of a marriage is knowing that someone is always there to be on your side and support you. So, I took the vows and I believe in my husband and I will 100% support his decision.

Ok, onto other painful feelings. As some may know, I've been trying to get pregnant for over 9 months now. No luck yet. It's really breaking my heart. To the point, I broke down at tears last night after the sight of the negative sign on the pregnancy test. So many people around me are being blessed with new life. Visible everyday. I am so grateful to God that I have my son Gabriel. He is my heart, my soul mate, my life wrapped up in a little boy. I truly wish I would have treasured each part of my pregnancy with Gabe. Soaked in every new moment I would see my stomach grow and move. My dream for Gabe is to grow up and always have someone there for him, even after Tim and I die. Someone who knows every scar and every story. As cliche as it sounds, I don't want Gabe to go through what I went through as a child. I want him to have a sibling. Since I can't face another negative sign in my life right now, I am giving up trying for another baby right now. If God feels I am ready he will bless us with a new life. If not, I will make sure that Gabe feels all the love that surrounds him. Because it is so painful for me right now, I don't want to discuss this anymore. So, here are my feelings on the subject, and now I'm moving on.