Was sent this via email. Kinda sweet before Mother's Day

Before I was a Mom, I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby. I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous. I never thought about immunizations. Before I was a Mom, I had never been puked on. Pooped on. Chewed on. Peed on. I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts. I slept all night. Before I was a Mom, I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests. Or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep. Before I was a Mom, I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put her down. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt. I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much. I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom. Before I was a Mom, I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.. I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy. Before I was a Mom, I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay. I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom. I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom.

Emotions run high

Driving to work today, heard the song I Saw God Today by George Strait. Burst into a blubbery mess. It's amazing how having a new life growing inside of me really makes me emotionally unstable.
Anyway, the lyrics are really sweet.

I just walked down the street to the coffee shophad to take a break
I'd been by her side for eighteen hours straight
I saw a flower growing in the middle of the sidewalk
pushing up through the concrete
like it was planted right there for me to seethe flashin' lights, the honkin' horns
all seemed to fade awayin the shadow of that hospital at 5:08I saw God today
Chorus:I've been to churchI've read the book
I know He's here, but I don't looknear as often as I should
Yeah, I know I should
His fingerprints are everywhere
I'd just slow down to stop and stare
opened my eyes and man
I swearI saw God todayI saw a couple walking by they were holding hands
Man, she had that glow
yeah I couldn't help but notice she was starting to show
I stood there for a minute takin' in the skylost in that sunset
a splash of amber melted in the shades of redChorus
I got my face pressed up against the nursery glass
She's sleeping like a rock
My name on her wrist wearing tiny pink socks
She's got my nose, she's got her mama's eyes
My brand new baby girlShe's a miracle I saw God today

Bananas make me want to barf...and other symptoms

I'm only 5 weeks pregnant, and the lovely early pregnancy symptoms have started.

Symptoms thus far:
Nausea in the early AM that wakes me from a deep slumber
The taste, smell and sight of fresh bananas make me want to yack
Boobs are slightly tender
Extreme Fatigue, really, I could fall asleep at any moment throughout the day
Tighter fitting pants
Very low sexual libido, very, very, very low (Of course, could be exhaustion from moving and being pregnant)
Extreme hunger...I mean, when I'm hungry I feel like I haven't eaten for days and days
Craving french onion soup like nobody's business...I've had it 3 times within the last week

Symptoms at this time with my first pregnancy:
Nausea
Fatigue
Spotting
Fresh fruit made me yack in the mornings

Don't get me wrong, I am so excited and happy about having another baby. So, bring on the pregnancy symptoms. I think I would be so much happier if I wasn't moving this weekend. I'm scared to do too much physically because I don't want to m/c since it is so early. I can't copp out of the move because I can't expect all the people helping us to move my crap without me pitching in. I think I can handle the light boxes, clothes, and organzing.

Is it an unwritten rule to keep the pregnancy on the DL before 12 weeks? If so, I have broken the rule over and over. All of my family, friends and facebook community, a few select co-workers, and my boss now know. I guess people keep hush-hush in case of the dreaded m/c. I figure if a m/c happens, I will need the support of my loved ones, which could be hard to ask for if they never even knew about the pregnancy.

In other news:
We got the keys to the new place on Tuesday! It is marvelous! The only negative to the new, amazing place is that it reaks of mothballs. So, we need to do some major airing out and deodorizing. If anyone has any suggestions on how to do that, I would be most appreciative.
We paint on Friday. Amazing!!! I will post pics next week on my vaca!!!!

Oh..and I finally have a follower. LOL. Thanks Holly!

A little news

So, a little news to inform you all about. I'm not really sure if anyone actually reads this blog, since I have no followers...lol But, as some people may have read previously, my husband and I were trying for another baby for several months. Each month ended with frustration and tears. Finally, I couldn't stand the hurt anymore. I told Tim that I was done trying. I was handing it over to God. I was going to focus on looking for a new job in case I was laid off my current one and packing up everything to move in the beginning of May. Long behold God had other plans. We are indeed pregnant! Three positive pregnancy tests confirm the news. If the "trustworthy" online pregnancy calender is accurate...the baby due date is January 1. More news to come. Please says your prayers for a happy, healthy pregnancy and baby!!!

The truth is...

While at work, I was scanning CNN.com as always. Came across this article about the truths behind motherhood. Mostly honest article about the upside and downside of being a mom. Most moms really don't discuss the downsides of mommyhood. I have the say the hardest battle I fight within myself is between being a working mom and a stay at home mom.

The hardest part of mommyhood I've encountered so far was when I had to leave Gabe to finish college back in January 2008. I knew I had a responsibility to myself to finish the education I had begun 6 years prior to having Gabe. All of the sacrifices I made to get the education could not be forgotten even if I became a mother. So, a few hours a day, several days a week I was a college student. Then I came home and was a mother. The roles were hard to balance. Especially when he was still waking up at night for feedings and I had an exam the next day. Finally, I succeeded and received my college degree, with Gabe watching from the crowd.
The next step was working. Even though Tim and I do not own extravagant things, we could not afford to live on one salary should I choose to stay at home. So, I was hired fulltime at the Poison Center. On the days I work 10-6 our routine plays like this (most of the time): Wake up by 7am, morning bottle and cuddling, dress Gabe, Shower, dress myself, breakfast ( if there is time), drive to Mindy's ( if we skipped breakfast, Mindy will feed Gabe), drive to work, work for 8 hours, drive home to see Gabe and Tim, eat dinner, playtime for about 30-45 minutes, bathtime, bed usually at 7:30. Total time with Gabe--3 hours
On my 3-11 days--Wake up at 7am, bottle and cuddletime, breakfast, playtime for 2 hours, naptime around 11, wake up at 12:30ish, lunch, dress Gabe, shower, drive to Mindy's, and off to work for 8 hrs, come home, spend about 30 min with Tim, off to bed.
So, basically during the week I'm at most a part time mom and a fulltime worker.
Gabe has done well with the hectic schedule. I have done horribly. Last week when Gabe turned out to have tonsillitis, I felt like I had literally failed as a mother. I couldn't tell when my own child was ill, and couldn't even take him to the doctor to be examined. What the hell was I good for then? A paycheck to pay for diapers, but no spare time to actually care for my own child?
Honestly, in my heart of hearts, I would love to stay home and raise my child. I would love to go to storytime at the library, join mommy and me playgroups, and spend the day at the park or zoo. But the reality is, I have to work to help support my family. I really hope that Gabe understands that even though I had to work a lot while he was growing up did not mean that she loved him any less. I hope that he realizes that his family loved him and always made sure he was safe and happy.
So, anyway, check out this article and take what you'd like from it. I honestly feel better after expresses my inner battles.

Here's the link...
http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/04/17/o.truth.about.motherhood/index.html

Easter and other news

Yesterday was Gabriel's 2nd Easter. Poor Roo, unfortunatly he did not enjoy the day's activities to the fullest because he is sick, sick, sick. My poor little man has tonsillitis, possible strep throat. He went to the Doc's on Friday and was prescribed Amoxicillin 1 tsp 3x daily. At first, it was a battle, but now he takes his medicine quite well. Now, if only he would eat. I was home with him until 2:30 today and mostly we cuddled. Poor guy slept for 3 and a half hours for his morning nap.

Back to work today. 3-11 shift. So far...81 calls. Time left in shift: 3 hours.

I have an interview on Wednesday for the Therapy Aide position in the main hospital. The upside to the new position: REGULAR HOURS! 8-430 m-f!!! No more freaking evening shifts! The downside to the new position: New job, which could mean my PTO are lost...Took me 10 months to acquire 37 hours...I hope they are not lost to PTO neverland.

Other news...Moving Day is in 19 days!!!!!!!

Feeling old...

Recently, so many things have been going on. Probably the biggest piece has been Gabriel growing into a toddler from a baby. He is soooo active. I love that he is interested in so many new things. He can do so much now. The problem has been keeping up with this active little man. For the past two weeks or so, Gabe has been waking up at 6 AM, EVERY morning. Most of the time, he simply wants a bottle and some cuddle time before wanting to play, which is a nice ease into the morning. But, since my work has been scheduling my day/evening hours rotating every day. Getting off work at 11 at night, having to wake up by 6 with Gabe and be at work at 10 the next morning is really wearing me out. I KNOW millions of fulltime working mothers do this everyday, and somehow function. The questions I would like to know is....HOW? My body is just wearing out. Now, we are also moving in 3 weeks and our apt is in complete chaos, so this could be aiding in my exhaustion. I really think the job is the culprit. I need regular hours...why is it so much to ask? I can not work 3 evening shifts and 2 days shift a week, or vice versa. 2 weeks of evening and 2 weeks of days is FINE. Why does work do this to me? I'm so unhappy...I need a change...

The of an ERa

My favorite show for as long as I can remember has been ER. I used to beg my parents to let me stay up late to watch it. I would rush home on Thursday evenings so I wouldn't miss an episode. I met my best friend in college and had weekly ER/CSI date nights on Thursdays. This show has really been a part of my life for the past 15 years. I am really going to miss it. I will always have the reruns. So long ER. I will miss you!

Prayers

So, a lot of things have been happening to people around me as well as myself.

Grandma: My grandmother is a really genuinely sweet person. She always sees the best in people even when they hurt her or betray her. She was diagnosed with early alzheimer's about a year ago. I really can't believe how quickly this disease progresses, even with medication being administered to slow the progression. My poor grandmother's short term memory is really decreasing rapidly. She can't remember what happened 5 minutes ago. Thank goodness she can still remember people around her. I am so scared to face the time when she doesn't recognize anyone in the family.
My favorite memory with my grandma has to be when she used to babysit me when I was ages 7-9. I loved staying at her house. I always had my aunt (who was more like a sister growing up) to play with and we always dressed up in my grandmas nightgowns. I would always sit and watch her put on her makeup. Which always, always, always included pink lipstick. I miss those days when my family was a unit and we made sense. Now we have broken apart and divided. I prayer that God can help slow the alzheimer's and bring my family together somehow.

Friends: A girl I new in high school is going through a divorce. She has a little boy a few months younger than Gabe. She is also trying to finish her BSN so she can be a nurse. She seems to have the weight of the world on her shoulders and she's trying to have a better life for her son and herself. I pray that God can give her the strength she needs to make it through this and the courage she needs to try.

Job: So, yesterday my manager announced that the hospital is asking that we make cuts of considerable amounts out of our 2009 and 2010 budget. This is going to be hard since we generate a huge profit since we provide a free service to the community. We run a lot of grants and funds from member hospitals to use our services. But we DO NOT have volunteers, we ARE NOT ran the government. Many people do not know this. I pray that God will show us the path so that we can continue to stay open and provide services to the people in the community that need us.