While at work, I was scanning CNN.com as always. Came across this article about the truths behind motherhood. Mostly honest article about the upside and downside of being a mom. Most moms really don't discuss the downsides of mommyhood. I have the say the hardest battle I fight within myself is between being a working mom and a stay at home mom.
The hardest part of mommyhood I've encountered so far was when I had to leave Gabe to finish college back in January 2008. I knew I had a responsibility to myself to finish the education I had begun 6 years prior to having Gabe. All of the sacrifices I made to get the education could not be forgotten even if I became a mother. So, a few hours a day, several days a week I was a college student. Then I came home and was a mother. The roles were hard to balance. Especially when he was still waking up at night for feedings and I had an exam the next day. Finally, I succeeded and received my college degree, with Gabe watching from the crowd.
The next step was working. Even though Tim and I do not own extravagant things, we could not afford to live on one salary should I choose to stay at home. So, I was hired fulltime at the Poison Center. On the days I work 10-6 our routine plays like this (most of the time): Wake up by 7am, morning bottle and cuddling, dress Gabe, Shower, dress myself, breakfast ( if there is time), drive to Mindy's ( if we skipped breakfast, Mindy will feed Gabe), drive to work, work for 8 hours, drive home to see Gabe and Tim, eat dinner, playtime for about 30-45 minutes, bathtime, bed usually at 7:30. Total time with Gabe--3 hours
On my 3-11 days--Wake up at 7am, bottle and cuddletime, breakfast, playtime for 2 hours, naptime around 11, wake up at 12:30ish, lunch, dress Gabe, shower, drive to Mindy's, and off to work for 8 hrs, come home, spend about 30 min with Tim, off to bed.
So, basically during the week I'm at most a part time mom and a fulltime worker.
Gabe has done well with the hectic schedule. I have done horribly. Last week when Gabe turned out to have tonsillitis, I felt like I had literally failed as a mother. I couldn't tell when my own child was ill, and couldn't even take him to the doctor to be examined. What the hell was I good for then? A paycheck to pay for diapers, but no spare time to actually care for my own child?
Honestly, in my heart of hearts, I would love to stay home and raise my child. I would love to go to storytime at the library, join mommy and me playgroups, and spend the day at the park or zoo. But the reality is, I have to work to help support my family. I really hope that Gabe understands that even though I had to work a lot while he was growing up did not mean that she loved him any less. I hope that he realizes that his family loved him and always made sure he was safe and happy.
So, anyway, check out this article and take what you'd like from it. I honestly feel better after expresses my inner battles.
Here's the link...
http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/04/17/o.truth.about.motherhood/index.html
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Aww Huni, your baby (-ies...) will grow up knowing that their Momma looooooved them to pieces, and made choices that were both good for them AND practical. It's interesting that you wrote this now, as I have a post queued up for when I am in the hospital about being a SAHM. It's such a personal decision that everyone has to make for themselves, with their partner. I think that the very FACT that you are thinking about it, indicates that Gabe will know for sure you did the right thing!
ReplyDelete